ADHD Counselling with a Lived Experience Counsellor

Early Diagnosis Misteps

I naturally have quite the interest and knowledge about ADHD, perhaps because of my own neurodivergence slipping under the radar until adulthood.

 I missed the diagnosis the first time, distracted by my other health issues, which ironically were just a symptom of the actual cause. 

 I think I remember the moment her colleague started asking me questions about impulsive behaviours and I said no to everything except for eating. ( I had been diagnosed with food addiction and I guess he must have been researching the link between ADHD and eating behaviours).

A Pivotal Moment 

He then asked me a mental maths question, and I just remember he suddenly stopped and stared at me while I suffered through my response. 

I had completely frozen, gone into what I call a 'brain blank', which of course caused panic in itself.  My brain "felt fragmented"  with crippling anxiety. I spluttered a few words and could not get out of there fast enough. 

That memory stood out to me, and years later, I wondered if that was the actual ADHD diagnosis moment. I don't know. It's not like anyone tells you anything. Or involves you in the treatment plan. Or teaches you what ADHD is and what to expect. I thought I was still being treated for binge eating.

The Penny Drops

Fast forward to the moment I actually realised what ADHD was and looked into it properly after noting that my pain levels had increased while off the measly two tablets a day in Japan. This was in 2018 after reeling from traumatic grief. 

 I was stumped. The more I researched the more I could not believe what I was reading. The symptoms were like they were watching me, it was so specific, 'forgets to shut drawers', 'suitcase is out for months after the trip, unpacked'. 

How did I miss this? No one ever said anything about this  I found completed ADHD screens/questionnaires. Conversations via email. I had even sent the psychiatrist articles about the link between food and ADHD (also in resources).

Not only did I forget the diagnosis, I forgot I had actually instigated parts of it myself. I had linked up my conditions more than a decade ago.

Seriously though, who forgets their own ADHD diagnosis? I mean let that sink in. In all honesty, this terrifies me. I feel like my brain gaslights me all the time. No wonder I am anxious. 

Fear and Gaslighting: A Medical Ordeal 

What I do remember is being terrified of her, being yelled at for not wanting to have kids, and being gaslit a few times. I remember her blaming me for errors she had made (how is it my fault she neglected her permit) and her demeanour turning into one of a mouse when I brought my husband along to the appointment. She used the power dynamic against me constantly to the point that I would cut down on meds and thought my anxiety was because of the medication as opposed to a symptom. 

Enduring Professional Negligence and being Shamed at the same time 

I do believe I wasted ten years or so of my life, because of negligence and sub-optimal treatment of ADHD Of course, I will respond everything is 'fine' not wanting to rock the boat. 

My first psychiatrist should have picked up when I voiced my frustration of "not being able to get anything done" stating "I don't know where the time goes" at her question 'what the hell are you doing with your time if not working'. Call me crazy but I think those are pretty vital clues -  inability to complete tasks, initiate tasks, time blindness.  Instead, I felt like she couldn't believe what I waste of space I was.  

I was at my lowest, I had to stop working because my chronic pain had caused cervical nerve impingements, thoracic outlet syndrome shoulder impingement, bursitis, etcetc that had taken out my arms. 

I was already carrying so much shame. How could I not work, I was a feminist! My identify was starting to crumble so I clung to DJing, The idea of giving up DJing was like a punch in the stomach as it was. It was and would have been my biggest loss. 

In her office, I was actually shamed for the one protective factor I had that gave me meaning and joy - music. Of course,  I internalised the shame as one does with a narcissist. That's what we do right? More on this pattern later. 

'OK fast forward, get to the good part'

Lol. This story is a bit TLDR and I can hear you ask "Yes but how does this help me?"

• I may not have known what ADHD was at the time, but I sure as hell do now. 
• You know those links with chronic pain, and eating disorders, the two main issues that had dominated my life and led to complete disability. Both issues have practically evaporated. While we are all different, and no one size fits all, and I cannot promise that will be your outcome, I can promise that I may be able to offer understanding, support and empathy and will not invalidate or gaslight you. 
• I understand not only the conditions but the lengths we take to compensate for the condition. This is important. Finding the root cause. This is why my lived experience has proven to be a blessing in disguise in some cases.
• It is unlikely that you will take 3 years to get your medication right. 
• I really try to understand you, and genuinely care, and will make every effort to find you the answers, should that be your goal. Perhaps my knowledge will be useful or the missing link. 
• I am constantly trying to understand and test out the validity of my hypothesis,  I am open to it being wrong and value your feedback, Your input is the most important and I trust you are the expert on yourself. 
• I am a fierce advocate when I see injustice occurring.  I see the power dynamic and patterns being repeated whether with psychiatrists or in the workplace. I will support you and advocate for you. I will call it if I consider that basic standards of care have not been met. I will fight for you and ensure your voice is heard. 
• You will not be judged for your neurodivergent traits or mental health status, If I make a mistake, please call me out on it. I do not mind and would rather you voice your needs or discomfort, I take that as a win if you can do that, as we often feel we cannot in the real world. 
• I also know what it is like to feel chronically overwhelmed, chaotic, and disorganised, with a sense of an inability to keep my head above water. I felt rejected, misunderstood, incompetent, frustrated, confused, criticized and then told I was being overly sensitive. We internalise all the criticism, and it becomes our core belief. 
• However, my work has allowed me to see our strengths, it has allowed for a different perspective and narrative to develop. I see the depth in conversation, the empathy, the resilience. I want to harness your strengths and for your true self to come out and challenge the inner critic. 

Embarking on Diagnosis: The Pre-Assessment Phase 

For those in the beginning stages of seeking an assessment, the wait can be agonising. There can be anxiety, confusion, and feelings of imposter syndrome. You may feel stuck in limbo, unable to move until you know the answer. While I cannot technically diagnose, I can offer you extensive knowledge and insight, and you may find yourself connecting many dots. I am able to go through the DIVA assessment with you, now that I am trained by Beyond GP, which I will only do if I feel there is enough evidence, and try connect you with a psychiatrist should you want to pursue medical treatment.  I can also teach you how to make the anxiety surrounding uncertainty a bit more tolerable.

Post-Diagnosis Reflections: Potentially Navigating Grief, Trauma and an Identity Crises

You may find yourself in a different headspace than you expected, almost taken aback if not blind-sighted, by the intensity of feelings. There can be what is known as the 'grief process. , You may experience an identity crisis, with changes in self-concept and look back on your life with a whole new lens. My entire world and everything I knew to be true had essentially collapsed. As I began to pick up the pieces, I also began to get a glimpse of what life had been like for someone very close to me (RIP), which provided me with immense empathy and insight. 

However, I had underestimated the level of ignorance and stigma out there, and people's true colours came to light. Again, feeling judged and misunderstood, I withdrew into my little cocoon, full of shame and berated myself for being stupid.  

Therapeutic Journey: From Reflection to Action A lot has happened since then, but I am interested in using my experience, knowledge and contacts to help YOU, and working with whatever stage you are at in your journey. I have worked with those who may have anxiety or concerns in the pre-assessment phase. I may be able to help you on a practical level and get the ball rolling to find someone to speed up the process. 

Holistic Approach: Tailoring the Therapeutic Experience: I hope we can put pieces of the puzzle together or overcome the hurdles you may face. I have worked with diversity in all its forms, with a client list aged from 12 years to 67.

I am particularly interested in working with the newly diagnosed who are having trouble emotionally processing their new reality and navigating their new unexpected identity, You may have been entirely blind-sighted or relieved... perhaps both... perhaps neither. Maybe you realised how much you were masking, maybe you are masking now. I am interested. What has this been like for you? 

I take on complex cases and go out of my way to find you answers.

The difference that lived experience can bring in therapy, even when unspoken, is really special, yet I can recognise our unique responses. 

I refuse to turn the vulnerable away like many others, due to the complexity of needs.. I believe it is that attitude towards the vulnerable that is the straw that finally breaks the camel's back. I used to the vulnerable and I will fight for you if your differences (not disability) are being used against you. 

I am attuned, compassionate and committed to understanding you and providing the care that so many of us do not get.

Many of us hold the emotional wounds from years of being chronically misunderstood, constantly in trouble and invalidated, and gaslit, through no fault of our own.

I hope you feel respected, and validated, and also start to believe this is not your fault. I hope to clarify what is neurology and what is not, to help you undo any feelings of guilt or shame you may feel burdened by. We can work together to help you recognise and harness your many strengths. 

Regardless of co-occurring conditions, we will work collaboratively and empower you, helping you take charge and get back in the drivers' seat in life and be proud to be who you are. 

My style is integrated and tailored to your individual needs and characteristics, tailored to the ND brain. Generally, it is trauma-informed, strengths-based, neurodiversity-affirming, emotion-focused, and psychodynamic, with the occasional challenging question to facilitate critical thinking and self-reflection. It is still inherently person-centred, where you have autonomy and are seen as the expert in your own life.

Community and Self-Exploration: Music Appreciation Group Workshops 

While this is still in its infancy stage, I am determined to make it happen. 

I hope the Music Appreciation Group workshops may facilitate the sense of community and belonging required to build resilience, reduce isolation and empower you. 

An encouraging and safe environment may motivate you to try new things and build your feelings of self-efficacy, which is essential when navigating through today's world.

Ideally, I hope we get to silence that awful inner critic that berates us constantly. Working on self-compassion, self-acceptance, emotional regulation, and positive emotions can hopefully take you to a meaningful life where you feel more at peace with yourself, truly authentic and one step closer towards self-actualisation.